The Long Road to Publication - Part 5

In our regular series The Long Road to Publication, winner of our First Page Competition Andy Smith describes the stages of his journey, the highs, lows and bits where nothing happens. This week, he's taken the brave step of sharing his synopsis.The Triskele Books team went through it in detail and below, we offer some suggestions for improvement. 

Triskele Books

Breaking the Lore synopsis                                                  Andrew Smith

Name: Andrew Smith
Title: Breaking the Lore
Word Length: 90,000
Genre: Crime/Fantasy

Triskele: First things first, add the vital detail in the top right hand corner. Also use Times New Roman and 12pt font. Ideally the synopsis should fit on one page.

 Synopsis

A crucified body is discovered. It is fifteen centimetres tall and has wings.

Triskele: This opening is less powerful than the opening of the book. We suggest using your first two lines instead.

Discovering fairies at the bottom of the garden is supposed to be good luck. Except when the fairy’s been crucified.

Inspector Nick Paris INSPECTOR NICK PARIS doesn’t believe in magicfairies. He solves crimes using logic plus management-sponsored drinking. The bizarre This tiny corpse opens up a new world of elves, dwarves and a talking, cigarette-smoking crow. Triskele: These two lines give us all we need to know about cross-genre nature and dry tone. Excellent! They tell him he has indeed found They assure him it is a fairy, killed by demons called The Vanethria THE VANETHRIA. Paris and his hapless deputy BONETTI set out to uncover why, helped and sometimes hindered by with these implausible assistants strange beings helping his investigation – or sometimes hindering it.

The detective’s rational mind struggles to cope with this such an irrational situation. Triskele: That is a great line! When another victim is found – a centaur Triskele: How did it die? A beheaded centaur? A centaur shot through the heart? – he seeks expert advice. Cassandra du Mort CASSANDRA DU MORT is a witch, a free spirit who the stuffy Inspector finds hard to handle. She views the bizarre proceedings as an big Triskele: Pick a word she herself might use enormous/enchanting adventure, to his chagrin.

Faced with conflicting evidence and more weird events, Triskele: Weak filler. Give a couple of examples of weird events? Paris tries to find answers without losing his marbles. until he Finally he pieces everything together. Demons from the mystic realm are planning to invade. want to invade ours.

Triskele: Now we need to up the tension. At the same time he comes to appreciate, and rely upon,  If he is going to repel the demonic invasion, he needs the help of his fantastical friends. the magical creatures he is working with. He is also taking a shine to  Triskele: This is telling. Show us with a hint. Cassandra, even though he still thinks she is bonkers, has quite a nice smile/lovely green eyes. The novel’s underlying theme is how people different from yourself are not always a threat and can actually make a valuable contribution. Paris’ journey takes him to this realisation. And he thought he was simply solving a case. Triskele: This is not the right place or tone for this.*

Demonic activity increases until they launch their main assault. Paris discerns their weakness, allowing the British army to drive them back. As they retreat, they take a hostage Triskele: Who? Why do we care?: his best friend and right-hand man, Bonetti (We added Bonetti in paragraph one so this kidnap makes us care). Accompanied by a motley collection of magical beings, Paris ventures into the mystic world to on a rescue mission him. Cut loose from all he knows, Paris realises people different from himself yourself are not always a threat and can actually make a valuable contribution.. And he thought he was simply solving a case.

Their mission is successful, but the group are betrayed. Captured, they have to face the fearsome demon king, who reveals his . A new plan to conquer mankind is revealed. Paris has to stop it. Triskele: Need something stronger here. The only thing stopping him is Inspector Nick Paris. Realising logic will not help, he opts for the illogical. He challenges : challenging the king to combat. A drinking contest. Paris wins. Humanity is saved by the power of whisky. Triskele: Terrific ending and totally tied to character.

The Vanethria disperse. Liberated magical races celebrate as Paris and Cassandra’s relationship blossoms. A whole new journey awaits. Triskele: Perfect end lines to lead us to the sequel.

Notes:

In tightening the synopsis, we focused on these things:

• Hit those dynamic nouns and verbs, cut all the fluff. 
• End each line on a punchy word.
• Capitalise names when introducing characters.
• Try to make sentences active rather than passive. Eg: 'he reveals his plan' not 'his plan is revealed'
• Avoid repetition, eg: the word ‘bizarre’ twice in two paragraphs.
• Keep the tone of the novel.
• Add intriguing details/examples.
• Vary sentence length and patterns.
• Stay in the story and don’t be tempted to explain as author.*
• Ensure the synopsis follows the tension of the novel – set the scene, complicate and all the drama of the final act.

Authors, don't forget! You can win a year's mentoring from the Triskele Books team by entering our Big Five Competition. Deadline is 7th July.